I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
