Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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