My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
