wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize