just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
