I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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