Don't you send me to vm
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
