Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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