I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
