Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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