Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
