There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
