I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize