i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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