I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize