Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All the doctor said was why
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
