I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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