i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he thought i was a dude.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
