There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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