Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
