And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
