i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
