When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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