I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
