i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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