so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
