Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I looked at my own cervix.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
