I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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