O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
