it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
