I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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