school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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