Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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