Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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