my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
