Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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