why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
