Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
