If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
