I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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