Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
