He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
