My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
