in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
