How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
