ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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