also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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