Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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