It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
