I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
handjob tips. give me some.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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