youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
