I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize