There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
