having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
did i just pee glitter
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
