My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
