how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize