i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
