hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
