your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
