I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
40s are totally the cure
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
